Question: "My husband has had numerous affairs and now wants to reconcile. Should we get back together?"
Answer: Ask yourself this question: What would make me think I can trust him now when I couldn’t trust him in the past? The past is the best predictor of the future unless some kind of intervention occurs. Negative patterns rarely change without a genuine heart of repentance and a deliberate change of direction. The Lord can certainly change anyone who is willing to give Him total control. God is a God of reconciliation, but reconciliation takes two people, not just one.
Until you are thoroughly convinced by both his attitudes and actions that he has indeed changed, do not give open access to your home, your heart, or your bed. You need substantial reasons to think he is now trustworthy and ready to commit to the marriage.
Ask these key questions to help determine whether or not your husband has indeed changed:
– Is he genuinely repentant? Has he acknowledged his sin, expressed deep remorse over it, and sought your forgiveness for it?
– Is he taking personal responsibility for his immoral behavior without pointing the finger at anyone else?
– Has he stopped blaming you for anything you may have done or not done that influenced his choices?
– Has he sought counsel to understand his wayward behavior and taken measures to ensure it does not happen again?
– Is he willing to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases and disclose the results to you?
– Does he have sacrificial love for you, not just physical or emotional love?
– Is he willing to “court” you and “win back” your trust and affections, and then wait patiently for you to determine if and when he can come back home?
– Is he unquestionably committed to keeping his marriage covenant with you?
– Is he considerate toward you, demonstrating respect for you even when you don’t agree?
“Husbands… be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.”
(1 PETER 3:7)